The Former 'Queen' of Hueco Mundo
by Kur8Kami117
Summary: Ulquiorra is delivering Orihime her dinner when she comes up with a very awkward story. Oneshot. Rated T for Orihime accidentally coming up with a crack pairing. This may be interpreted as Ulquihime, but it doesn't have to be. You can even interpret it as Ginhime if you want. Reviews are appreciated.


**A/N: **Hi everyone! I hope that all of you enjoyed whatever holiday you celebrate in the winter. If you don't celebrate any, then at least rejoice in the existence of fanfiction! I have to give my little sister who has yet to make an account some credit for this idea. We were talking about why Barragan would pick someone like Charlotte to be his servant, and she said that he might be his queen. The idea was so hilarious that I just had to write about it. If you're wondering why Gin visits Orihime in this fanfic, it's because I like to think he misses Rangiku, and she reminds him of her. You can't deny that they look similar. I hope this isn't OOC, and constructive criticism and reviews are appreciated. Enjoy! :)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach. My sister and I share this idea. I do own an Ulquiorra plushie and an Ulquiorra keychain.

* * *

Once again, Ulquiorra walked down the halls of Las Noches carrying a tray of food for the woman. Last time, she had refused to eat yet again. If Ulquiorra were an Arrancar of a lesser mind, say like Yammy, he would have assumed by now that his prisoner was anorexic. But Ulquiorra knew better. That little piece of trash just wanted to make life difficult for him by deteriorating her physical condition in an attempt to make herself less useful to Aizen-sama. The foolish creature seemed to think it would be better to die than become an honored servant of the ruler of Hueco Mundo. This was one of the many things Ulquiorra didn't understand about her. Or why she wanted to eat this… food. If it could even be called that.

Ulquiorra had put much care into this meal, perhaps more than necessary. He had to research what food the woman liked to eat, but he didn't want to ask her himself because she would get all emotional and go on about either how she didn't want to eat anything he touched or how considerate she thought he was. Ulquiorra didn't think he could deal with either. When he expressed these concerns to Aizen-sama at their meeting, Grimmjow had teased him for obsessing over the captive. He tried to explain to the imbecile feline that he was only concerned about her capacity to make her power useful, but the miscolored cat only mocked him further, proceeding to sing songs about kissing, trees, and baby carriages. When Ulquiorra replied that the parts of the trees above the sand in Hueco Mundo were too fragile to support the weight of an Espada and a human girl, Grimmjow began to laugh so hard that he spilled his tea on his hakama. Nnoitra, who wasn't paying attention to the conversation up until then, assumed that Grimmjow had wet himself and began to taunt him. Thankfully, Gin Ichimaru stopped the chaos before the altercation could escalate further. He volunteered to research the woman's diet for him. This made Ulquiorra suspicious. He had never trusted Ichimaru because of that leer that seemed permanently etched into his foxy face, but it was better than him having to ask her himself.

Gin had entered the captive's cell, interrogated her on her preferred meals, and came out grinning suspiciously with several recipes jotted down upon a notepad. Ulquiorra didn't understand how that Shinigami could get her to cooperate, or why he would even want to visit her cell in the first place. He decided not to ask because he knew Grimmjow would find out eventually and tease him further, which would end up wasting his valuable time helping Aizen-sama.

To Ulquiorra's mortification, the recipes that Ichimaru had given him appeared to be fakes. He couldn't understand how anyone in their right mind, even the trashy woman, would want to each dishes such as ramen with sweet bean paste, sushi dipped in strawberry sauce, chocolate flavored okonomiyaki, or teriyaki cake. When he confronted Ichimaru about this, he only smiled and told Ulquiorra to check with the prisoner himself if he didn't believe him. Ulquiorra decided it wasn't worth the trouble and went to deliver the recipes to Szayel, who could cook much better than he could. If that scientist could make his own Fracción taste like a 5-star meal, he could definitely make those meals edible.

The meal did not appear to be edible, but he didn't want to let his efforts to go to waste. If the woman refused to eat, it couldn't make things any worse because she almost always refused to eat anyway. He knocked on her cell door. "Woman," he said, "your dinner is ready. You must eat or you will eventually die of starvation." She gave no response, so he opened the door.

The woman was lying across her couch reading a list on a few sheets of paper that looked mysteriously like they were ripped out of Ichimaru's notebook. "What are you reading?" asked Ulquiorra.

"I'm reading Ichimaru-kun's draft for his guide to Hueco Mundo," she replied without looking up. "I was bored, so he decided to write it for me."

The woman had never told _him _that she was bored. "Well," he said with just the slightest twinge of annoyance, "you may read that later after you eat something." The woman looked up, and her perturbed expression immediately morphed into one of surprised euphoria as her eyes lit up like stars.

"ULQUI-KUN!" she shouted in delight as she tackled him with a hug. He winced from the physical contact as he felt the color rise to his cheeks. Thankfully, he had managed to keep hold of the food tray without anything spilling out of it. "How did you know what I liked to eat?"

She _liked_ to eat that stuff? "You must eat so you can be of use to Aizen-sama. And just call me 'Ulquiorra.'"

"Thank you so much!" she said cheerfully as she began to dig in to her so-called food. Ulquiorra had never seen anyone eat so much in one sitting, not even Yammy. He got up to leave. He could always come back for her tray later.

"Wait!" she called. He turned around.

"What is it?"

"Is it true that Aizen wasn't always the king of Hueco Mundo?" she asked curiously as she wiped some teriyaki pie crumbs off her face.

"Yes," he replied. "And it's Aizen-_sama, _not _Aizen."_

She blinked. "Then who was the previous king?"

"His name is Barragan Luisenbarn, the current Segunda Espada." Ulquiorra wondered what had made the woman so interested in the politics of Hueco Mundo all of a sudden. Perhaps Ichimaru had somehow managed to instill some reverence into her trashy head for the power of Aizen-sama. Maybe she would even cooperate with him now. He decided that it would be more convenient for him to ask Ichimaru how to get the captive to cooperate, even if it meant risking Grimmjow's derisive remarks.

"Does he have any servants?"

"He has his Fracción, who I suppose were previously his servants. Why does this intrigue you?"

"Well..." she began. "Ichimaru-kun told me that all of you were Aizen-sama's servants, so I was curious if the previous king still got to keep his."

He thought of telling her that she was Aizen-sama's servant, too, but he decided against it. "What are their names?" she asked him.

"Choe Neng Poww, Abirama Redder, Findorr Calius, Ggio Vega, Nirgge Parduoc, and Charlotte Cuuhlhourne."

"Charlotte?!" she said. "I didn't know that any of the Arrancar had such normal sounding names! Maybe she was from a faraway land. I wonder how she began serving King Barragan-sama."

"Woman-" began Ulquiorra, but he was cut off by the prisoner, who was beginning to twirl around her cell spewing words that held a great possibility of giving him nightmares.

"I think he must have picked her up on a conquest to another area of Hueco Mundo then decided to take her captive for her talents! Like you did to me!"

Ulquiorra hated the comparison. Did she have any idea what she was talking about?

"And maybe there's more!" she exclaimed. "Ulquiorra, do you want to hear my guess?"

Before he could say no, she kept on going. "He eventually grew to love his servant, so they got married and lived happily ever after in the service of Aizen-sama! Even though it wasn't permanent, Charlotte went from being a mere Hollow with a special talent and alluring beauty to Queen of Hueco Mundo! She even had a handsome king to be her husband! I hope that someday, I'll find true love, too. What do you think, Ulqui-kun?" she asked him with a huge grin.

Ulquiorra shuddered and decided to ignore her nickname for him. "Woman," he said.

"Hmm?"

"Barragan-san is an old man, and as for Charlotte… I can assure you that Charlotte Cuuhlhourne is not a female."

"Oh."


End file.
